Posted by Hunter on 29 December 1999 at 20:40:46:

In Reply to: Re: Erudite posted by Gremlin on 29 December 1999 at 18:26:00:

: : : Wow. You guys got even more boring than when I left.

: : Yet you seem to still be stoopid.

: Could just be a relapse....

No. It's the same old Utahraptor. I checked. Might be why I ended up with this headache, and missed you.

: : That's right Gremmy, I left. Hecne the whole point of my Sept. 26 post enittled "Be Seeing Ya's".

Forget the acne thing...I'm wondering why he came back?

: : I said you guys had gotten too boring for me.

: : Any new topics on your mind? Or will that be all?

: Oh, yeah: what are the odds....

Probably not as good as the odds against my new pet not rediscovering the innershirtian landscape....

: : Same as when I said the 25 I'd be leaving the 30, becasue you were exceptionally boring the past 3 months.

: : so lemme get this straight, you're supposed to be with 30, yet you're cheating with #25, and you've been caught by 30's buddy 3? Is that it?

: Too many numbers; keep it simple for the visitors.

Hey Swyndle, I think he was cheating on 3 with #25, and #25 and -- ah, forget it.....

: : Guess you're masters Simpleton and Doof got you all turned around, eh puppet boy? And you claim you'd be happier as an idiot. You are one already, and you're clearly not.

: : Yes, freinds, you heard it here first: Gremlin is indeed a happy and in no way an idiot.

: Um...that's harpy...and no I'm not....

Wait. Wait wait wait...if I remember correctly.... Gremlin was the 'master' in the last episode. Now we've decided that Imp and Vigo are in control?

Good for them, I think...

: : And why would I be proud that a brainless buffoon like you used erudite?

: : Because you think it's a good thing?

: I'm thinking it's an anagramme for 'dire Ute'.

Nah, you don't encourage undesirable behaviour..... When he starts using it properly, then you can start figuring out how to feel about it.

: : Becasue Wooden Head had a momentary lapse of intelligence. Yeah right. You lsot it by paying the $100.

: : Grem, we need to talk, I had no idea you advocated paying these slots when you can get it for free.

: It was just that one time....

: : Laws states the car behind is at fault.

: : Crimes states otherwise?

: Um...two parked cars...one behind the other...I guess I don't see how that matters.

I was there. It wasn't his fault. But what're you gonna do? Since the accused is at fault, the cheapest rout was to pay $100. for damage that I could've fixed for free...

Wait a minute....What fucking damage....

: : You were innocent.

: : And now you're not, neeners.

: *pushes Yutz into bushes*

: : Ah well, can't expect you to know that. You can't even figure out my religion yet.

: : First church of the criminaly urbane?

: Urbanity typically suggests typing skills.

He's gotta be a Xian of some sorts. This is his way of getting back at us.....

: : I'm an American Buddahist now? Since when? And why wasn't I informed? Nice job with the passworded message board. You know, theone you claim was the real reason I left. The one you psoted about aftrr(watch out, grrl power) I
: : : announed my Sept. 30 depart date. And of course I wanted you to preserve my final post.

: : We've had it bronzed for you.

: By RonCo

: : Not twist it around wiht nothing but you're an idiot replies. Real original. Of course, all you succeeded in doing was proving your true stupidity. As you admitted, you have to make mr look dumb.

: : Actually, you're pretty good at that alone.

: Yeah. We kicked the Make Him Look Smart idea about, but no one wanted to fix all the mistakes.

Hey Gremlin, I figured out what causes your headaches.....

: : Only smart people are made to look stupid.

: : No, smart people are made to do smart things.

: Allowed to.

But most smart people do stupid things anyway.....

: : Idiots such as yourself don't need the help. But the ncie part is the links that show how much you truly like me. It's only Simpleton and Doof's mastery of their moronic little puppet that has changed. And when did you ever defend me? Sheesh.

: : Gorsh.

: Kweesh.

And while Gremlin and Swyndle are reduced to a mindless bout of weirdness, I'll sneak in and steal those damned jpegs...

: : : Well, by now, old Wooden Head is replying back with somr variation of "You're an Idiot."

: : You're a dumbass.

: Half a dumbass...on lease....

High interest rates kept him from getting the other half. And if I'm reading this right, he had to mortgage his old brain to get it.....

: : So everybody duck and cover. OK, all clear. Wow. So this is what a nuclear annihlation looks like.

: : Pretty neat, huh.
: :
: And then the atom bomb went off: ffftch...ffftch...ffftch....

: : : Well, mr smarty pants, you still cna't figure out what would have gotten rid of me in April.

: : A gun. Similar to now, but earlier.

: A really nasty papercut.

Actually, I had something really neat right here..... but then I dropped it. So now I guess we'll have to see if it works...the hard way

: : Like I said, it's so simple. And cna summed up in 4 little words.

: : Go the fuck away?

: Your Mother Said Yes.

: : 2 even.

: : Smeg off? Bite me? Come on, throw me a bone here, people.

: Smeg?

: : It's not a saying.

: : So "Merry christmas" is out.

: If you're not saying it by mid-March, you're behind the times anyway.

Fuck it. Begone. I said so....

: : So You Are an Idiot can't be it. Doof said that plenty of times, and I'm still here.

: : I thought you were back.

: I thought no one had fed him.

It's not my fault.....

: : Can't be we don't want you becasue Doof also said that. And here I am.

: : Saw that.

: We're just that observant.

Yeah. Actually, I saw you a few hours ago. I just didn't want to say anything.

: : I htink it was Flashton who replied witht he right idea. Here's a hint. The firts word is Be.

: : Oh, I get it, be gone.

: Beware.

: : : OK, now I've confuse dyou, and now si the tiem for another Idiot reply. OUCH! You hurt me.

: : Look, kids, melodrama.

: Off Broadway.

: : Call 911. No wait, I need the real number. Call 912. I'm dying.

: : I did that once, it's not all it's made out to be.

: You're suppsed to add another four numbers.

He's just confused. He's used to dialing 1-900 numbers...

: : Woodne Head called me an idiot.

: : That right bloody bastard.

: That sounds like me....

Call me stupid, but where in hell did Wooden Head (and it's many spelling variations) come from?

: : : And of course, mr genius rpeleis wiht a massive flame to me Oct1, after he knew I was gone. And admitted knowing it too. In the flame.. I know. YOu have not yet begun to flame. Neither have I. All my posts have been in the same sprirt as that one was.

: : Not the same spirit, mind you, the same spurt...Er, the same spritz. Oh hell I have no idea what he's on about here.

: Sproing.

Lemme get way offtrack here for a moment -- You read the October Post... which means you haven't been gone. Which means you lied......

Not that it matters.... Gremlin didn't post a 'huge flame' on October first. It was actually a few days early, to test out the script (Of course, I'm not going back to any of this, so I could be wrong......

That post was mostly an attempt to explain his view of what in hell was wrong with you. Me, I only care about rectifying the problem.

: : Guess somebody don't know what the deifnition of flame is.

: : Dur, and somebody don't know how ta write them thar words to make wot ya call sense.

: I often wonder if this guy just bangs on the keyboard and accidently hits gremlin.net through sheer chance.

That monkey/Shakespeare theory applies to him, doesn't it?

: : And feckless. When was I ever careless? Perhaps you think I'm completely wihtout fleck.

: : Feck. Completely without feck. As in devoid of any feck whatsoever. And on the sabbath day, he dropped the feck.

: Though we are reasonably certain that he's got a fair amount of fleck...whatever that is.

: : See? You are an idiot. You memorize big words, and nottheir meanings. Well, lacking the cognitive capabilities to do so makes sense.

: : So does raving like a looney, what's the point exactly?

: Point? After all this time?

: : Afterall, you insist alll computers have been Y2K compliant for decades.

: : Correction, all good computers.

: Pretty much; yeah.

: : S o why all the updating?

: : So people will by stuff. Durhey.

: And they believe whatever they're told.

Money. They want money.

: : If you majored in computers (where's your degree pic, Wooden Head?) you would knwo thta's impossible. With 3 date sources, most fo which are in 2 digit format, it's scientificlaly impossible to be that way.

: : Um, what?

: Bang bang bang Enter bang bang....

: : Heck, one dude refuse dto cough up 17,000 dollars for the 4 digit deal, and so now had ot pay 3 Million.

: : So, an idiot is what you're saying.

: Possibly a relative....

Actually, I think we've found the little fuck who keeps writing those silly "it could happen to you" stories at the end of those chainletters...

: : Rounded numbers for your convience, of course. Maybe your unpopualr Amiga is ready, but Win 95 and below sure ain't. Or is Micorsost conspiraing against us again?

: : Um, let me think, Bill gates... Is this thing on?

: Banned him =)

: : : And incidentally, everyone is born with a religion. You default to your momma's.

: : Actually, you default to not giving a rat's ass about anything that doesn't involve food or shit.

: And banging.

: : You must choose to accept it or choose another or to eb an athiest.

: : But only to eb one, you can be one all you like.

: Damnit to hell: stop ebbing me already!

: : So unless your mom was an athiest, you chose not to belive in the absurd, as yous o moroncially put it, when I was defending your kind.

: : Back in 'nam?

: Someone tell me he's not that old....

That would actually explain it.....

: : And you wonder why I quote Edgar form MIB at you.
: : : And what moron posts about how I must be fititng into oen category, then says I don't. A whole post of thta. And everybody said you were to harsh. And I am too stupid to elarn?

: : So E-learn already and prove yourself.

: He's waiting for the misspelled version.

: : I quit responidng to flamers.

: : He goes for the strong silent type now.

: Oh sure: get the image of Yutz stalking me into my head....

I think he is. I mean, look at it.. I think he's archived everything ever said on the Gremlinboard...

: : Yet Simpleton kept trying to start new flames up.

: : Like that thing in Chicago.

: Whatever happened to Abby Hoffman, anyway....

I probably killed her. I hate females

: : Like hid great debate. Or the NOTS you had to retitle called Like no dromeasaur has sucked before. Sunshine's title, no less.

Well fuck, I'll take credit for that, if I have to. I liked it....

: : Were they her boobs to which you previously referred?

You could never get me so drunk....

That is, no.

: Nope. Though I have got jpegs of those here somewhere....

GAH!

: : Realc reative, Wooden Head. Course, you lakc so much of it, you ahve to be self publsihed.

: : Lack so much of what?

: Misspellings.

: : Still, the printers keep your rnatapalooza's off the market, thank God.

: : Thank Carlin, he actually exists.

: Online.

: : Figure out why the capitol G yet, Einstein?

: : In other news, we may never know Einstein ever figured out the great capitol G equation. He died trying to understand this mysterious problem, and we may never have another like him that will get so far. Um, what?

: G=MC²

: : Course, you still think I expected you to help me. How? Besides being self publsihed, even if you did what real writers do (like you're literate), they would ignroe you.

: : We the writers of the world would like to present to you, our greatest honour, the ignroe.

: Order now, and receive complimentary ignwade.

: : You're a nohting of a nobody. COme tlak abotu refusing to offer help when you're a somebody. Not that you would even know what help to refuse. All the books you, ahem, read are done by authors on their own.

: : Actually, a great number of literary works are ghost-written.

: The bible.

: : You never heard of letter of recomendation. Duh.

: : Not true, I saw him write a letter once Recomending an end to all stoopid shit, but alas, the postal service cannot be trusted anymore.

: I avoid them.

Most postal workers are ex-infantrymen. That should explain it...

: : : So, how many thigns are meanignless to you? Most of them. Sicne you don't understand much.

: : Sicne, similar to hecne, only really fucking stoopid.

: Not that it really stands out in the post for that....

: : TROZ is the most meaningful one fo all. Even more than NARF.

: : Even Pinky knows better than to capitolise every letter.

: Or to assume he's at all intelligent.

: : : Course, you're problem is sexual frustration.

: : If that were true, I wouldn't have to hear about his dick from every craven looney chick that happens by.

: Sorry about that; they promised they wouldnt tell. Well, except for a few of them, I mean.

I haven't mentioned it yet, even though I was actually told to... Then again, such things don't matter much to me.

: : If you ever got any nookie, you'd be bragging about it all the time. Like every guy does.

: : Um, dude, those letters in the magazines are fake.

: He'll never believe that the magazines have letters, too

: : Those wihtout any scoring, say things like none of your business.

: : Those who say things like, "None of your business.", employ tact.

: Those who employ tact, employ spellchecks

If what Yutz said were true...... wow... Neat. So, with one sentence, nothing ever happened. Neat.

: : People who gets ex say Sheila and I, er, whoeevr your lady friend is, did it twice. And I gave her two big Orgasms.

: : Again, those letters are faked, man.

: Like the images aren't....

: : No wodner you allowed Simpletona nd Doof to gain control fo you.
: : : BTW I'v epointe dout Simpleton's flame startings.

: : Yet the police have yet to indite him over that Chicago thing.

: Um...I was in Evanston that day....

: : Check out Doof's moronic belief int hat Empire Strikes Back scene for soem fo his. And Hosers was back with Simpleton's great alien debate crap. Now, please show me when i started one. Link it too, and copy the speciifc flame against soemoen for no reason, otehr than persecution of your superiors, liek you mornicateers did with me.

: : I love putting fire in the scanner. Um, what?

: And fish.

: : : Thatw as the fun part.

: : Ah, good times.

: Like the last couple of months....

: : Getting you to go all over the baords lookign for examples to shwo how much you liekd me. Like when I gave you the Hutchbusters idea. or Don't call us, we'll call you. And you're friends sure coldc are elss about your dead loved ones. No RIP messages like I did.

: : No, instead we chose to do it irl where it might mean something. And by the way, bad form, attacking the subject this way.

: I'm to the point that I just run them over.

THat's why your car is broken. You need something bigger if you're going to run idiots over...

: : Heck, everyhtign was fine till Simpletona nd Doof showed up ehre. Then trouble started.

: : And they woulda' gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you damned kids and your yutz.

: Kids? He may be an offender of some sort....

: : Which you allowed. Hecne the lack of banning me.

: : They have treatments for hecne now, dude, consult your physycian,

: Kavorkian.

: : You couldn't do it. And hence my return.

: : You act like it should be in the bible. Look, kids, melodramamine.

: Now with active ingedient: bangbang.

: : All thanks to you, Wooden Head.

: : You're welcome, I'm sure.
: :
: But probably not.

: : : the next fun thign was getting you to wirte outt he apst 2000 years. Next, I'll get you to write out the entire English dicitionary, so I cna see how to spell right.

: : Not a bad idea.

: Didn't I already do that?

: : Youc an mp3 it, and sing it. Careful on the F's. They're trickey.

: : And probably out to get me.

: Braineaters.

: : : Oh, and Sunshine, gld tos e eyou'r eleaving the army. Who wnats a medicla proefesisonal who is constantly belived to be suicidal treating them?

: : You damned belived people think you'r so special, with your extra lives and all.

: That answers the old 'how come no one's killed you yet' question.

To respond to the bit about me leaving the army -- it's not the suicidal thing that was a problem. They could just babysit me for that. It's the homicidal tendencies that got me out. You wanna read my record, you numbfuck?

: : : The msot fun, of course, was pssing eveyrbody off with the use of erudite.

: : Um, could you pick just one thing that was the most fun?

: Piack and type? Herculean.

Wait..who was pissed about Erudite? Forgive me, I'm dumb..

: : So much hatred for such a little word.

: : So much yutz for such a little bird.

: Lemmings marching toward the cliff

: With Yutz leading the herd.

: : hard to belive the mornicateers didn't know about it. That's when Wooden Head was forced to turn agaisnt em,a s idciated tot he contrary on all the baords. At leats I got to piss them off agin.

: : Am I the only one who heard the Roscoe laugh from Dukes of Hazzard at this part?

: I thought it was just me....

No, no....that was just another one of those...really bad episodes...that I get when I remember to take my medication...

: : BY now they're shaking wiht fear and anger, about to have a corninary.

: : Actually they're peas, the corn is for another night.

: But that's a private party.

Fuck. It looks like I've got to get all upset over Yutz being a stalker now too....

: : Good. And Wooden Head's Oct post gave me so mcuh to fear. He called me an idiot. WAH! Nxt, I'm going to ebc alled a jerk.

: : Okay, I'll bite. Jerk.

: Well, that counts me out....

If my head didn't hurt so much......

: : : ERUDITE!

: : KRYPTONITE!

: Samsonite.

: : ~Swyndle

: Gremlin

~Hunter

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