Originally posted to the gremlin.net messageboard on 27 October 2000 at 21.25.49:

User Information:

UIN: 46620698
Name: mike atherton
NIck: mervin
Primary: _darkhorse13@excite.com, mikeatherton@hotmail.com
Address: 23 john ave
City: manchester
Country: United Kingdom of Great Britan
homepage: not got 1
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Birthdate: Dec 16 1980
Additional details:
like conversating, socialising & love women of any ages and of any nationality please message me carnt wait ta hear from ya p.s anyone into playstation or comp games also would love to chat with

Personal interests:
Games: Console Games, Sony
Music: Dance, House, Techno, Trance
Sports: Football, Wrestling
Women: Art Of Making Love
mervin:suck my ****! lol
Hunter: I tend to expect better from someone from the UK....
mervin:ha im just avin a laugh ya boring cow!!!!!!!
Hunter: Most people don't try to translate their accent to text. Exactly where are you from.
mervin:lol im from stockport manchester
Hunter: Oh. So, exactly nowhere.
mervin:im from the best city in the world where the best soccer team in the world is manchester united so kiss it
Hunter: Um, that's 'football'....
mervin:yes good 2 know u yank knows the proper word
Hunter: You assume a lot, don't you.
mervin:yes u r a yank i checked ya details
Hunter: Figured it out all by yourself then, did you?
mervin:sarcastic cow so do u suck or bite
Hunter: In reference to you, neither.
mervin:dont lie u like it when i talk dirty 2 u lol
Hunter: Who told you that....
mervin:i assumed lol
Hunter: All by yourself? You can't fool me; you're not capable of that level of thought....
mervin:u like me dont u lol
Hunter: Y'know, this isn't grade school. The rules change when you grow up. When the chick punches you, it doesn't mean she likes you.
mervin:u r playing hard 2 get
Hunter: No, I just try to avoid playing with geeks in general.
mervin:dont be too hard on me i like feisty women
Hunter: Y'know, I'm sitting less than a metre from a novelist from Knightsbridge, who's trying very hard not to laugh at this entire thing.
mervin:good cos im a great funny guy.
if u r the hunter then i must be your prey
Hunter: Actually, you're only funny in that disparaging sort of 'who's feeding this idiot' kind of way. And even if there were a "The" in front of my name in my information designating me as being named after a profession, I'm pretty sure that my licence would dictate that I throw certain things back....
mervin:o.k u r boring me now so i will love u and leave u.
i have tried my best 2 touch your heart but now i give up!!!!!!!!!
Hunter: Good. I win. Bye now.
mervin:u dont win i just carnt be arsed with u u r boring me 2 death u wanna get out more
Hunter: You just learned a bunch of English words and wanna use them as much as you can, didn't you....

By the way, I'd love to let you add me to your list, but you're really not all that interesting. I can only use the same stuff so many times before the people at the gremlin.net messageboard get bored and come after me instead of you.
mervin:ha looks like I WIN THEN LMFAO!
Hunter: Well just let that be your little secret then, won't we. Welcome to the idiot list.
mervin:u should be very happy 2 be on my list i split it up at the top r the interesting pritty gals at the bottom r the boring snobs lol

Pardon me, but did you speak?
mervin:no i passed wind in your direction lmao
Hunter: If you're gonna rip off Monty Python, try to get it right....
mervin:what would u know of our great english comedy.
p.s u must be spotty and ugly and have no sense of humour no boy has probably ever touched u lol
Hunter: Your, ah, 'great english comedy' gets crammed in between the telethons on the Public Broadcast Station, and I believe Monty Python have actually made it onto DVDs at this point.

And I don't bother with 'boys'.
mervin:dont bother with boys i should of guessed u r a LESBIAN lol or no boys find u attractive
Hunter: Congradulations; you just won me the twenty bucks....
mervin:so u r a lesbo thats horrible by the way u spelt congratulations wrong u dummy
Hunter: Oh, so you're a homophobe. If only I'd known earlier....

Actually, you won me the twenty by being a predictable little geek. I knew you'd use the 'lesbian' retort. They all do.

And since when does someone who uses single letters or numbers in the place of a word get to harp on spelling....
mervin:u think u r a big shot but u carnt even spell how thick.
send me a pic so i can see how ugly u r.
p.s single letters r what we internet chatters use nowerdays so stop livin in the past.
Hunter: I learned to spell, but I'm also a German who grew up in America, so you'll have to excuse any bastardisations that creep into my written language. Then again, why am I apologising to you. You think I'm living in the past by typing full words.
I don't really feel like explaining all /that/ again, though, so if you'll kindly read this and understand exactly why typing full words isn't living in the past....

Well, here: http://gremlin.net/CGI-Data/2000-10/61.html

And as for pictures, what makes you think I'd want you to have a picture of me, no matter what I looked like
mervin:u r livin in the past try accessing a chat room u will soon understand
Hunter: Read the post. I understand fully. I also know a lot more about the 'net than you do.
mervin:i want 2 see if u r ugly or not
Hunter: Why bother? If I do send anything to you, you'll most likely drag it into your pathetic version of PSP, and try to do things to it. Moreover, you'll be terribly upset.... I don't really want you going around showing your friend shots of me and saying that you know me.
mervin:bet u dont u r just a boring stiff
Hunter: Are you planning on learning anything anytime soon?

By the way, when was internet invented, if you think you know so much more than I do....
mervin:i want 2 make sure u r not a geek i wont show anyone if u r that insecure
Hunter: No, I'd rather not. The snake might scare you.
mervin:i dont care that question is irrelavent 2 me o.k
Hunter: Which is why you know so little.

The internet was used by the military from the sixties until the eighties, when it was basically declassified. And I'm betting it's safe to assume you haven't bothered to read the post, so you don't understand exactly why it's outdated and rather stupid to use one letter instead of a full word.
mervin:will i turn 2 stone i knew u would be ugly
Hunter: One could only wish....
mervin:i disagree i like 2 use 1 letter u r just 2 thick 2 work it out
Hunter: If I can work out pseudohacker heiroglyphics, I'm probably more qualified to work out what you're trying to say than you are.
mervin:im going now sorry we did not work out but still it was good 2 chat with u bye!
Hunter: I take it I scared you off by giving you something to read. Should've figured that out sooner.

Oh, by the way, we figured out where manchester is. Like liverpool without the character. Bunch of football geeks who call it soccer. You're terribly not worth my time....
mervin:football is a great sport we english love the sport we arnt all geeks like u who dont get out enough so bye bitch lol
Hunter: Toh hoh hoh... calling it football now, are we? I never thought football was the 'big thing' over there. I always figured that to be rugby....

By the way, what exactly are you doing up at five-fifteen am?