Originally posted to the gremlin.net messageboard on 27 November 2000 at 05.08.07

This one comes with a backstory.

A while ago, Swyndle posted about how he almost got into a fight with the marines that were trying to recruit him? Don't worry if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Well, apparently, everything said in that thread upset someone. That someone went by the Nick of DICK on ICQ. Captialised just like that. He got in touch with me, got all pissy at me for letting such a thing get said, and for my saying anything, being as I'm female, and females aren't allowed in the military, or something. Eventually, he started hitting on me. I don't have that historyfile anymore.

He disappeared for a bit; came back with the screenname of peace, and had the conversation that's included in this post with me. And I must admit, after a certain point, I started pulling in comments from everyone in the room -- which was pretty much Swyndle, Charon, and Gremlin.

Don't ask me why we ended up changing his screenname to Pantsless Alfred. That's mostly Swyndle's fault. He said it, and I thought it fit, considering....

Hunter20001125 1:21 AMHello.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 1:21 AMhey
Hunter20001125 1:22 AMWhat's up?
Pantsless Alfred20001125 1:22 AMtrying to jerk off you wanna help
Hunter20001125 1:24 AMThat's particularly annoying....
Pantsless Alfred20001125 1:24 AMbut im in the mood to be awnry
Hunter20001125 1:25 AMAnd I really haven't got time to pretend I care about something like that. I don't do that shit. I'm one of the few chicks that don't, and I'm rather irritated by guys who think we're here for just that.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 1:28 AMnot just that but be honest in todays world you cant just go and screw everything for the risk of aids and then spreading it yet nobody gives us any credit to say well maybe they are thinking with the right head
yet all you can think about is how to dog somebdy you to free your fucking mind ok
Hunter 20001125 1:34 AM I have someone already, and my mind is perfectly open at this point. I'd appreciate it if you didn't criticise people you don't really know. And on that note, i'd also appreciate it ifyou didn't mention your personal needs to people you didn't know unless they specify wanting to know such a thing in their information.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 1:37 AMso dont ask me whats up then if you dont want the truth
Hunter20001125 1:38 AM'What's up' doesn't pertain to your fucking dick.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 1:39 AMwhats up does pertain to what are you doing
Hunter20001125 1:41 AMRight. Within the limits of propriety. I don't really want to get the "I'm looking at porn and ramming my mouse up my ass" response, dig?
Pantsless Alfred20001125 1:41 AMthen dont ask for what you dont want dig
Hunter20001125 1:44 AMThe last time I checked, the military wasn't really appreciative of this sort of behaviour.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 1:45 AMthats all we do
jerk off jerk off jerk off get the pic
Hunter20001125 1:46 AMNo wonder the military is so bloody ineffective....
Pantsless Alfred20001125 1:46 AMbecause they let you women in
Hunter20001125 1:48 AMSo that would be, ah, expressing sexual discrimnation. I was hoping to have to like, prosecute someone else on that....
Pantsless Alfred20001125 1:49 AMwell when you cant handle your problems go crying is that it thats why women should stya at how cant deal with pressure
Hunter20001125 1:51 AMWere you even remotely aware that women are capable of tolerating 9 times the pain men can?
Pantsless Alfred20001125 1:51 AMyea right thats why you ball like bitches
Hunter20001125 1:54 AM Get back to me when you've gone through childbirth. And Swyndle here, the guy who initially said what you didn't like on gremlin.net about the marines, says you're a pussy. Scratch that -- Swyndle says you're a dick. It's an inferior anatomical unit.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 1:55 AMbig words dont make big minds
Hunter20001125 1:55 AMNo, but big minds use big words.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 1:56 AMok if thats what you got to tell yourself to feel better
Hunter20001125 1:57 AMAnd can you give me one reason why anyone would care what you think of anything?
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:00 AMdont have to give you a reason for what puts my mind at peace how would you feel if somebody said that to you o never mind your a girl you would start crying and try to bring somebody up on some bullshit charges
Hunter20001125 2:01 AMNo: I'd actually be able to come up with a reason.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:02 AMwhy is that how you feel good about yourself on what some body else thinks
you seek their approval
Hunter20001125 2:03 AMI'm not seeking your approval; I'm seeking signs of intelligence. I'm holding out for a braincell here....
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:08 AMok nitwit i wasnt asking you if i
waanted your approval all im saying why give somebody a reason if they cant take your words at face value then fuckem im secure with my self and there isnt anything anybody can say to make me feel different if you live by the truth then your words are the most powerful thing you can have and if people are liars thats their own insecurties now thats my one brain cell
Hunter20001125 2:10 AMAnd you plagarised that from where? Are you trying to suggest that you're more intelligent than I am?
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:13 AMnever implied that and i didnt steal that from anything but you keep accusing my of everything because of your insecurties of yourself you have faults and you or trying to find mine so you can be an animal of prey and pounce on my faults but it wont do you any good because i know and reconize them long before your silly ass came along so Hunter sometimes when you play mind games be careful you dont lose yours
Hunter20001125 2:15 AMDid you have to roll a 2D6 before you got to tell me that?
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:17 AMsee know thats something my small mind didnt understand dont see the comparsion of truth and dice
Hunter20001125 2:18 AMAnd how did you know that 2D6 had anything to do with dice?
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:19 AMi assumed it ment 2
six sided dice was i wrong?
Hunter20001125 2:20 AMNo, you were right. What was that like for you?
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:24 AMwasnt the first time and ill probaply be wrong on some things in the future the key is to learn from your mistakes
(stole this one)
those who do not remember the past are due to repeat it
and if you do know something that somebody else doesnt the real friut of that tree is to help to gain the knoeledge to become wiser on the subject
not to ever
and i mean ever make them feel as you are better than thm
Hunter20001125 2:27 AMIt's 'condemned'. Tell me, is 'jarhead' a biological term....
Hunter20001125 2:28 AMAnd as for help: use punctuation.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:28 AMno i think they got it from the hair cut
20001125 2:28 AMThey? So you're not a marine now....
Pantsless Alfred 20001125 2:29 AMyour the english professor you cant expect us dimwitted people to know stuff like that
Hunter20001125 2:29 AMAnd you're right again. Twice tonight. Impressive.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:30 AMdoes it make you feel good to dog people
Hunter20001125 2:31 AMDoes it make you feel good to be a sexist pig at someone who can't fucking slap you.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:32 AMyou would get punched right in the mouth that im not a sexiest on
Hunter20001125 2:37 AMThanks for proving Swyndle's point.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:39 AMtell swindle to swallow
i dont get it if i say women shouldnt be in military im a sexist pig
and if i say lets treat women equally
and punch you in the mouth still a sexist pig
no way not to be a sexis pig with the rules you give me to play by
Hunter 20001125 2:42 AM You're a sexist because you're afraid of women. You're an idiot because your only recourse against a diatribe is violence.
And you continue to prove Swyndle's point. Although, if you really want to take it up with him, you'll have to take it to gremlin.net. You know where it is.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:45 AMno but im a man of my word and if smart as you would like for me to come to iowa right now
ill be there in 2 hrs and me and swindnuts and you can take this matter up and see who hides behind this screen
there thats my offer whats
swindnuts and swindnutswallower
Hunter20001125 2:48 AMI'm no longer in Iowa. I got better. Swyndle's never been in Iowa. As for Swyndle-swallowing, there aren't any megaladons around. And I'm not with Swyndle; I'm with Gremlin.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:49 AMso where you at now im in missouri
and ok your a gremlin groper
happy now
Hunter20001125 2:50 AMDenver. Very nice here. And yes, it makes me quite happy; It's better than being a hamster handler....
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:51 AMyou speak in your own little retart tongue as if it were common knowledge
Hunter20001125 2:52 AMKnowledge used to be common....
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:54 AM so every subject thta there is that could have some knowledge on it
was common? did you know it is better to sit there and let people think that you are stupid than to open your mouth adn remove all shadow of a doubt
every time you speak you prove how stupid and shallow you are
Hunter20001125 2:55 AMAnd who said that?
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:56 AMan ole wise person ,,,not to be sexist
Hunter20001125 2:57 AMLet him.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 2:59 AMgoodnite Hunter im glad i could get a rise out of you your always good for one
you are just wound to tight
your values suck
and yoyr thought pattern
is less than normal but keep getting your help and some day you will find some peace in your life good night
Hunter20001125 3:01 AMMarines retreat! It's a chick! Fuck! Run away!
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:02 AMa cunt that bring charges
is no charge at all you will never get the respect you so deeplly long for
Hunter20001125 3:02 AMAnd so my values suck because I won't help you get off even though you're under the influence of salt peter. You know nothing of me or my values. Thank you for providing me with material for a message board post....
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:04 AMgo ahead post away you seek comfort in your board
that you cant even function in the real world yea your a real winner so go ahead print away retart
cry baby
print it all
Hunter20001125 3:05 AMThanks for permission. By the way: can you send me the name of your commanding officer. I'm sure he'd appreciate seeing this.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:08 AMgo ahead im the fucking traing officer and you actually think he would give to shits about some wacked out cunt like you
man you are very stupid
some companys still dont give a fuck about you poeple
20001125 3:10 AMThen why serve? If you don't give a fuck about the civillians, then you're fucking out.
You're the training officer: that doesn't make you CIC. You've got a superior, and your service has to cater to the country. We pay your fucking salary.
Swyndle would like to add: thanks for protecting my right to insult you. Those who can't do, teach.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:14 AMactually you probaply dont even have a job and your right i do have commander
but here in the real world your policies and
procedures dont amount to shit
so you and swidledick
can go posting all you want ok but when you do
dont paint over all that bad parts and try to sell it for more than it is worth
Hunter 20001125 3:18 AMI have no problem posting verbatim.
I happen to know that your conduct is frowned upon in the military; might I also remind you that you're still under full jurisdiction of civillian law.
It's not my fault you're a sophistic little geek who thinks everyone has to do as you say.
Pantsless Alfred
20001125 3:21 AMnot as i say
but if you would like to play in my world you will follow my rules and
go ahead and tell everybody what i say
your an
tell them that to
you have no
life and your a fucking crybaby
Hunter20001125 3:22 AMI do not feel the need to give up my personal freedom in order for you to feel superior to a woman.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:23 AMyour not even in the same class as a woman so dont put them down
your a little crybaby who seeks to punish men because you didnt get enough of your daddys attetion
Hunter20001125 3:25 AMYou suck at psychology. You're just upset that you can't get laid with that haircut.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:27 AMyour mom dont mind the hair
and listen
coming from some ugly fat bitch that means alot
Hunter20001125 3:28 AMDoes it hurt?
Hunter20001125 3:28 AMMy mother is dead, you necrophillic bastard.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:29 AMsee your missing the whole piont it doent matter what you say because you arent going to change my beliefs or values
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:29 AMshe died suckin my dick
Hunter20001125 3:30 AMWhat, from malnutrition?
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:32 AMnope from gagging and swallowing her own vomit but im sure she is out there saying man my little girl is such a loser
Hunter20001125 3:33 AMYeah; she'd be ashamed that I was talking to you. I'm surprised she tolerated the smell enough to get that close to you.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:35 AMshe wasnt close she was about a block away and right now she is smiling saying plz lord let this man put some sense back in her head
Hunter20001125 3:36 AMMom was smarter than that; she was an atheist. Unlike you, who apparently believes in afterlives.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:36 AMwell i guess we know where your stupidity comes from
Hunter20001125 3:38 AMIt was on sale. I got it at an army surplus store.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:38 AMwell did you get her combat boots to
Hunter20001125 3:40 AMNo. Combat boots suck.
What was it that Semper Fidelis meant? Always faithful? Or was that "Sucking Fidel"....
Hunter20001125 3:40 AMI did however get her JungleBoots and a nice Uzi.
Pantsless Alfred 20001125 3:40 AM your a loser and you cant bet under my skin
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:41 AMyour a liar and i dont believe you
Hunter20001125 3:42 AMAfter sampling what's under your skin, I'll take no.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:42 AMgood bye loser
Hunter20001125 3:43 AMWhy do you fail to raise yourself instead of degrading others.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:43 AMthats you
Hunter20001125 3:43 AMSo where it's perfectly plausible that from a block away my mother was blowing you, the ability to have an Uzi is outside your little chunk of reality?
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:44 AMyou need a job and you dont have one unless
your letting MEN pay your way through life
Hunter20001125 3:44 AM"I know you are, but what am I."
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:45 AMyour a 3rd grader
Hunter20001125 3:45 AMIf they want to.
You're on the fucking tax base; you're a public servent. You're in a job with an IQ cap.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:46 AMso you dont have a job right? be honest
Hunter20001125 3:47 AMYup, that's right. A third grader with a college reading level.
Pantsless Alfred 20001125 3:47 AMno the actions of a third grader
Hunter20001125 3:47 AMI pay your fucking salary. That's my job. I'm rather annoyed by it to. So, ah: you're fucking fired.
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:48 AMso whats your job how line of work do you do to pay mt salary
Hunter20001125 3:49 AMAnd you never learned what quotation marks mean, and your ass rides in navy equipment....
Hunter20001125 3:49 AMCould you repeat that when your blood pressure has lowered....
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:50 AMnope navy just pays for it out of the three dollars you pay in taxes
Hunter20001125 3:50 AMThat's three dollars more than you make a month.
Hunter20001125 3:51 AMHow much do you make a month, and how much does a harrier cost....
Pantsless Alfred20001125 3:56 AMnow want the kicker im not even a marine you been aruging your case to some body who doesnt even care and make sure you post that you idiot you and swidle got swindled LOL
Hunter20001125 3:57 AMEver heard of sentence structure? You just successfully proved what an idiot you are. Are you even remotely aware of the penalties for posing as a military officer?

And, well, that'd be that. It probably hurt. Don't blame me. Blame the guy at 65273869 on ICQ.

And here's something special. A response to this post that I thought was worth copying over. This post was made by DiabloDelOcho, one of the people who used to hang out on the board and post fairly frequently. It's rather funny if you read it after you've read this one, and kinda scary to think that anyone actually did what he did. Click here to read it.