This one comes with a backstory.
A while ago, Swyndle posted about how he almost got into a fight with the marines that were trying to recruit him? Don't worry if you don't know what I'm talking about.
Well, apparently, everything said in that thread upset someone. That someone went by the Nick of DICK on ICQ. Captialised just like that. He got in touch with me, got all pissy at me for letting such a thing get said, and for my saying anything, being as I'm female, and females aren't allowed in the military, or something. Eventually, he started hitting on me. I don't have that historyfile anymore.
He disappeared for a bit; came back with the screenname of peace, and had the conversation that's included in this post with me. And I must admit, after a certain point, I started pulling in comments from everyone in the room -- which was pretty much Swyndle, Charon, and Gremlin.
Don't ask me why we ended up changing his screenname to Pantsless Alfred. That's mostly Swyndle's fault. He said it, and I thought it fit, considering....
| Hunter | 20001125 1:21 AM | Hello. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 1:21 AM | hey |
| Hunter | 20001125 1:22 AM | What's up? |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 1:22 AM | trying to jerk off you wanna help |
| Hunter | 20001125 1:24 AM | That's particularly annoying.... |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 1:24 AM | but im in the mood to be awnry |
| Hunter | 20001125 1:25 AM | And I really haven't got time to pretend I care about something like that. I don't do that shit. I'm one of the few chicks that don't, and I'm rather irritated by guys who think we're here for just that. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 1:28 AM | not just that but be honest in todays world you cant just go and screw everything for the risk of aids and then spreading it yet nobody gives us any credit to say well maybe they are thinking with the right head yet all you can think about is how to dog somebdy you to free your fucking mind ok |
| Hunter | 20001125 1:34 AM | I have someone already, and my mind is perfectly open at this point. I'd appreciate it if you didn't criticise people you don't really know. And on that note, i'd also appreciate it ifyou didn't mention your personal needs to people you didn't know unless they specify wanting to know such a thing in their information. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 1:37 AM | so dont ask me whats up then if you dont want the truth |
| Hunter | 20001125 1:38 AM | 'What's up' doesn't pertain to your fucking dick. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 1:39 AM | whats up does pertain to what are you doing |
| Hunter | 20001125 1:41 AM | Right. Within the limits of propriety. I don't really want to get the "I'm looking at porn and ramming my mouse up my ass" response, dig? |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 1:41 AM | then dont ask for what you dont want dig |
| Hunter | 20001125 1:44 AM | The last time I checked, the military wasn't really appreciative of this sort of behaviour. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 1:45 AM | thats all we do jerk off jerk off jerk off get the pic |
| Hunter | 20001125 1:46 AM | No wonder the military is so bloody ineffective.... |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 1:46 AM | because they let you women in |
| Hunter | 20001125 1:48 AM | So that would be, ah, expressing sexual discrimnation. I was hoping to have to like, prosecute someone else on that.... |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 1:49 AM | well when you cant handle your problems go crying is that it thats why women should stya at how cant deal with pressure |
| Hunter | 20001125 1:51 AM | Were you even remotely aware that women are capable of tolerating 9 times the pain men can? |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 1:51 AM | yea right thats why you ball like bitches |
| Hunter | 20001125 1:54 AM | Get back to me when you've gone through childbirth. And Swyndle here, the guy who initially said what you didn't like on gremlin.net about the marines, says you're a pussy. Scratch that -- Swyndle says you're a dick. It's an inferior anatomical unit. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 1:55 AM | big words dont make big minds |
| Hunter | 20001125 1:55 AM | No, but big minds use big words. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 1:56 AM | ok if thats what you got to tell yourself to feel better |
| Hunter | 20001125 1:57 AM | And can you give me one reason why anyone would care what you think of anything? |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:00 AM | dont have to give you a reason for what puts my mind at peace how would you feel if somebody said that to you o never mind your a girl you would start crying and try to bring somebody up on some bullshit charges |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:01 AM | No: I'd actually be able to come up with a reason. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:02 AM | why is that how you feel good about yourself on what some body else thinks you seek their approval |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:03 AM | I'm not seeking your approval; I'm seeking signs of intelligence. I'm holding out for a braincell here.... |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:08 AM | ok nitwit i wasnt asking you if i waanted your approval all im saying why give somebody a reason if they cant take your words at face value then fuckem im secure with my self and there isnt anything anybody can say to make me feel different if you live by the truth then your words are the most powerful thing you can have and if people are liars thats their own insecurties now thats my one brain cell |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:10 AM | And you plagarised that from where? Are you trying to suggest that you're more intelligent than I am? |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:13 AM | never implied that and i didnt steal that from anything but you keep accusing my of everything because of your insecurties of yourself you have faults and you or trying to find mine so you can be an animal of prey and pounce on my faults but it wont do you any good because i know and reconize them long before your silly ass came along so Hunter sometimes when you play mind games be careful you dont lose yours |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:15 AM | Did you have to roll a 2D6 before you got to tell me that? |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:17 AM | see know thats something my small mind didnt understand dont see the comparsion of truth and dice |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:18 AM | And how did you know that 2D6 had anything to do with dice? |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:19 AM | i assumed it ment 2 six sided dice was i wrong? |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:20 AM | No, you were right. What was that like for you? |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:24 AM | wasnt the first time and ill probaply be wrong on some things in the future the key is to learn from your mistakes (stole this one) those who do not remember the past are due to repeat it and if you do know something that somebody else doesnt the real friut of that tree is to help to gain the knoeledge to become wiser on the subject not to ever and i mean ever make them feel as you are better than thm |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:27 AM | It's 'condemned'. Tell me, is 'jarhead' a biological term.... |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:28 AM | And as for help: use punctuation. | Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:28 AM | no i think they got it from the hair cut |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:28 AM | They? So you're not a marine now.... |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:29 AM | your the english professor you cant expect us dimwitted people to know stuff like that |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:29 AM | And you're right again. Twice tonight. Impressive. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:30 AM | does it make you feel good to dog people |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:31 AM | Does it make you feel good to be a sexist pig at someone who can't fucking slap you. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:32 AM | you would get punched right in the mouth that im not a sexiest on |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:37 AM | Thanks for proving Swyndle's point. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:39 AM | tell swindle to swallow i dont get it if i say women shouldnt be in military im a sexist pig and if i say lets treat women equally and punch you in the mouth still a sexist pig no way not to be a sexis pig with the rules you give me to play by |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:42 AM | You're a sexist because you're afraid of women. You're an idiot because your only recourse against a diatribe is violence. And you continue to prove Swyndle's point. Although, if you really want to take it up with him, you'll have to take it to gremlin.net. You know where it is. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:45 AM | no but im a man of my word and if smart as you would like for me to come to iowa right now ill be there in 2 hrs and me and swindnuts and you can take this matter up and see who hides behind this screen there thats my offer whats yours swindnuts and swindnutswallower |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:48 AM | I'm no longer in Iowa. I got better. Swyndle's never been in Iowa. As for Swyndle-swallowing, there aren't any megaladons around. And I'm not with Swyndle; I'm with Gremlin. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:49 AM | so where you at now im in missouri and ok your a gremlin groper happy now |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:50 AM | Denver. Very nice here. And yes, it makes me quite happy; It's better than being a hamster handler.... |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:51 AM | you speak in your own little retart tongue as if it were common knowledge |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:52 AM | Knowledge used to be common.... |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:54 AM | so every subject thta there is that could have some knowledge on it was common? did you know it is better to sit there and let people think that you are stupid than to open your mouth adn remove all shadow of a doubt every time you speak you prove how stupid and shallow you are |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:55 AM | And who said that? |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:56 AM | an ole wise person ,,,not to be sexist |
| Hunter | 20001125 2:57 AM | Let him. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 2:59 AM | goodnite Hunter im glad i could get a rise out of you your always good for one you are just wound to tight your values suck and yoyr thought pattern is less than normal but keep getting your help and some day you will find some peace in your life good night |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:01 AM | Marines retreat! It's a chick! Fuck! Run away! |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:02 AM | a cunt that bring charges is no charge at all you will never get the respect you so deeplly long for |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:02 AM | And so my values suck because I won't help you get off even though you're under the influence of salt peter. You know nothing of me or my values. Thank you for providing me with material for a message board post.... |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:04 AM | go ahead post away you seek comfort in your board that you cant even function in the real world yea your a real winner so go ahead print away retart cry baby print it all |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:05 AM | Thanks for permission. By the way: can you send me the name of your commanding officer. I'm sure he'd appreciate seeing this. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:08 AM | go ahead im the fucking traing officer and you actually think he would give to shits about some wacked out cunt like you man you are very stupid some companys still dont give a fuck about you poeple |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:10 AM | Then why serve? If you don't give a fuck about the civillians, then you're fucking out. You're the training officer: that doesn't make you CIC. You've got a superior, and your service has to cater to the country. We pay your fucking salary. Swyndle would like to add: thanks for protecting my right to insult you. Those who can't do, teach. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:14 AM | actually you probaply dont even have a job and your right i do have commander but here in the real world your policies and procedures dont amount to shit so you and swidledick can go posting all you want ok but when you do dont paint over all that bad parts and try to sell it for more than it is worth |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:18 AM | I have no problem posting verbatim. I happen to know that your conduct is frowned upon in the military; might I also remind you that you're still under full jurisdiction of civillian law. It's not my fault you're a sophistic little geek who thinks everyone has to do as you say. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:21 AM | not as i say but if you would like to play in my world you will follow my rules and go ahead and tell everybody what i say your an idiot tell them that to you have no life and your a fucking crybaby |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:22 AM | I do not feel the need to give up my personal freedom in order for you to feel superior to a woman. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:23 AM | your not even in the same class as a woman so dont put them down your a little crybaby who seeks to punish men because you didnt get enough of your daddys attetion |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:25 AM | You suck at psychology. You're just upset that you can't get laid with that haircut. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:27 AM | your mom dont mind the hair and listen coming from some ugly fat bitch that means alot |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:28 AM | Does it hurt? |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:28 AM | My mother is dead, you necrophillic bastard. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:29 AM | see your missing the whole piont it doent matter what you say because you arent going to change my beliefs or values |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:29 AM | she died suckin my dick |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:30 AM | What, from malnutrition? |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:32 AM | nope from gagging and swallowing her own vomit but im sure she is out there saying man my little girl is such a loser |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:33 AM | Yeah; she'd be ashamed that I was talking to you. I'm surprised she tolerated the smell enough to get that close to you. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:35 AM | she wasnt close she was about a block away and right now she is smiling saying plz lord let this man put some sense back in her head |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:36 AM | Mom was smarter than that; she was an atheist. Unlike you, who apparently believes in afterlives. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:36 AM | well i guess we know where your stupidity comes from |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:38 AM | It was on sale. I got it at an army surplus store. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:38 AM | well did you get her combat boots to |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:40 AM | No. Combat boots suck. What was it that Semper Fidelis meant? Always faithful? Or was that "Sucking Fidel".... |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:40 AM | I did however get her JungleBoots and a nice Uzi. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:40 AM | your a loser and you cant bet under my skin |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:41 AM | your a liar and i dont believe you |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:42 AM | After sampling what's under your skin, I'll take no. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:42 AM | good bye loser |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:43 AM | Why do you fail to raise yourself instead of degrading others. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:43 AM | thats you |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:43 AM | So where it's perfectly plausible that from a block away my mother was blowing you, the ability to have an Uzi is outside your little chunk of reality? |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:44 AM | you need a job and you dont have one unless your letting MEN pay your way through life |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:44 AM | "I know you are, but what am I." |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:45 AM | your a 3rd grader |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:45 AM | If they want to. You're on the fucking tax base; you're a public servent. You're in a job with an IQ cap. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:46 AM | so you dont have a job right? be honest |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:47 AM | Yup, that's right. A third grader with a college reading level. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:47 AM | no the actions of a third grader |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:47 AM | I pay your fucking salary. That's my job. I'm rather annoyed by it to. So, ah: you're fucking fired. |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:48 AM | so whats your job how line of work do you do to pay mt salary |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:49 AM | And you never learned what quotation marks mean, and your ass rides in navy equipment.... |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:49 AM | Could you repeat that when your blood pressure has lowered.... |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:50 AM | nope navy just pays for it out of the three dollars you pay in taxes |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:50 AM | That's three dollars more than you make a month. |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:51 AM | How much do you make a month, and how much does a harrier cost.... |
| Pantsless Alfred | 20001125 3:56 AM | now want the kicker im not even a marine you been aruging your case to some body who doesnt even care and make sure you post that you idiot you and swidle got swindled LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LAST LAUGH ON YOU STUPID BONEHEAD POST THAT RETART LOSER CRYBABY CUNT IM LMAO WEIRDO FREAK SPERMBURPER |
| Hunter | 20001125 3:57 AM | Ever heard of sentence structure? You just successfully proved what an idiot you are. Are you even remotely aware of the penalties for posing as a military officer? |
And, well, that'd be that. It probably hurt. Don't blame me. Blame the guy at 65273869 on ICQ.
And here's something special. A response to this post that I thought was worth copying over. This post was made by DiabloDelOcho, one of the people who used to hang out on the board and post fairly frequently. It's rather funny if you read it after you've read this one, and kinda scary to think that anyone actually did what he did. Click here to read it.