I made a fascinating discovery today in my quick google search to find out whether or not the Salvation Army actually pays its bellringers – it does, in case you’re curious.

I discovered ‘The War on Christmas’ – which seems to be some sort of thing attached to this O’Reilly person I hear so much negative shit about.

If any of this stuff I’ve been reading about what he’s said about the ‘war on christmas’ is quoted accurately… I think I understand why people dislike him so.

So… there’s a War on Christmas–…at least, according to one person on one news network. The ‘war’ apparently involves various ‘bannings’ of various things…I haven’t quite found these people claiming that it’s ‘illegal’ to do or say certain things [well, almost – I have seen some things in chat, if I recall correctly, but I might be wrong there], but I suppose that’s the next step.

I have seen a few things about towns and school districts banning the wearing of red and green clothing and the use of the same colour decorations, but those turned out to be utter falsehoods.

Most of what I’m seeing is people who think that being offended by two words [Merry Christmas] being offended by “Happy Holidays.”

Strikes me as a little silly, but, well…whatever.

I guess these people are in an uproar about ‘holiday trees’ – which I’ve never actually heard – and ‘winter break’ – which is what I thought the official term for the days off of school from roughly December 24th to roughly January 2nd was always called. Much like ‘spring break’.

I, myself, don’t get it. Probably because I don’t understand politics, and this all seems to be a very political thing. The calling of this ‘war on christmas’ as another attempt/step toward making everything from abortion-on-demand to…well, a whole silly list of things that included drugs, gay marriage and euthanasia legal…because this all has something to do with getting religion out of the public….

I truly don’t get it.

I guess maybe it’s because I remember a couple of things that these nutjobs don’t – or never bothered to learn.

I remember that the Christmas Celebration they all hold dear hasn’t always been the way it is today.

I remember that December 25th is just ‘the day Jesus was born’ because someone likely ‘said so’, just to make the religion have a bit more draw, because that was a time of year for other celebrations.

I remember that there once was something called Saturnalia, and that Yule isn’t just ‘some strange word associated with a log that has something to do with Jesus’ birthday’.

I remember that it wasn’t always Santa and reindeer and sleighs, but that the old story that starts “’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse…,” and and a few others, including Coke, helped to make things the way they are today.

I remember that, for a time, there was no Christmas in America, and that there was apparently a period of time in England when there was also no Christmas [I think both are partly to blame on the Puritans, although dislike of things which were English also may’ve been a part of the American issue].

I remember quite a few things along those lines, and it all makes the whole ‘pushing the christ out of Christmas/using it as a tool to push religion out of america’ thing seem awfully silly. I also fail to remember certain things, like the whole point of celebrating Jesus’ birthday. I don’t remember anything about that being a big deal in the Bible. Maybe someone could point that out to me….

Something else I just remembered – all those crazy people from all those other crazy religions who don’t celebrate Christmas. And all those crazy people from other religions who do. And all those people who don’t have religions who celebrate because it’s more of a cultural thing than a religious thing.

And, hey, what about those of us who don’t celebrate. Those who don’t put up trees, string lights all over the outside of their property, and buy gifts for everyone they’ve ever met. Those of us who are, in fact, annoyed by the gaudy bullshit that gets carted out the day after Halloween, and are forced into a world of Christmas Cheer for two months while the rest of the country plays their stupid little reindeer games….

If you think “Happy Holidays” is a declaration of war, then what’s “Bah, Humbug” to you?

Does that mean I win?

“Happy Holidays” is not a declaration of war. I’ve been seeing it on cards for as long as I remember. I, being the dumb kid I was, naturally assumed that “Happy Holidays” referred to the ‘holiday season’. A belated Thanksgiving, a Christmas and a New Years greeting and well-wishing all rolled into one. I later found out that there were even more holidays in that time slot between the end of November and the beginning of the New Year – I also found out that there were some groups who didn’t celebrate any of them.

Of course, when I found out that Christmas was supposed to be some dead guy’s birthday, I couldn’t figure out why I was the one getting the gifts, and how santa, the tree, and all the lights fit in…but I kinda liked the gift-getting part, so I ignored all that nonsense….

I still like the gift-getting part. I still occasionally get gifts, because I’m not going to say ‘no, no, I don’t celebrate so don’t send me anything’ to people who want to send me stuff. My lack of tree shouldn’t have any bearing on whether or not someone buys me stuff.

And while I personally object to having all this seasonal shit shoved down my throat from July to July of every fucking year, I put up with it. I put up with “Christmas in July” and “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays” just like I put up with “Happy…however you spell that Jewish holiday that falls around this time of year.” I put up with the ad campaigns with their little snowflakes and ornament-shaped things and snowmen and reindeer and all the signs and symbols of the season – actually, I throw most of those out and try to ignore the ads on TV, but hey, that’s a lot like putting up with them. I do this because that’s part of what the season is all about. Putting up with shit you don’t like.

Go on, tell me I’m wrong. Tell me that every year, right around this time, people aren’t gearing up and getting ready to go spend time with family they rarely talk to and didn’t even want to buy presents for. Tell me that there aren’t going to be horrible experiences and even worse arguments because people feel obligated to uphold some family tradition that says ‘you must be jolly and get drunk and say the things you really mean at this time every year, because it’s Jesus’ birthday.’

Tis the season to lie to yourself. To spend time with people you don’t like, to smile falsely at them and thank them for their generic and inappropriate gift. To give not because you want to, but because you feel as if you absolutely MUST, whether it be to strange, unlikable uncle Bob, to the sister you could never stand, or to a charity that shows up in a Santa hat at you with its seasonal fundraiser, and whether you can afford it or not.

The war is over. Christ was out of Christmas before it even became a term. It’s only through the desperate cramming of the round peg into the triangle hole that we have such a concept to allow for ‘the removing of Christ from Christmas’.

I’ll say it again: the war is fucking over. It was over before these people noticed it. It was over before the time when people were accusing Jews of doing the things that the ‘secular liberal atheist bastards’ are doing today [whatever that means]. It was over before it started.

“Xmas” isn’t an insult or an application of a prybar to religion. Neither is “Holidays” or “Greetings” or “winter break.”

Now that I’ve become all disjointed, I’ll try to end this.

Celebrate your holiday season as you see fit – within the limits of the law. It’s one of those crazy things you’re actually allowed to do here in America, and you should take advantage of it. And while you’re at it, try very hard not to lie to yourself. Dislike your family if you must, and try to avoid them – if you must. If you can get around your differences, that’s even better, because family doesn’t last forever. Next Christmas might be too late.

And one more thing to keep not in your hearts but in your minds, where the actual thinking takes place – remember, as you’re buying your last minute gifts, drinking your glasses of stupidly-high-proof Christmas cheer, and sending your children to bed with some bullshit story to make them stay there – in America, you have many rights, but the right not to be offended is not one of them. Remember that the next time you’re upset by someone using the word ‘Giftmas’.

Merry Giftmas. Merry Beaglemas, Merry Whatever….