I mentioned this issue in what’s now part one of this post, Since I’m still waiting, and since this is going to be really long, I figured I’d get started on the whole bullshitty thing today, and continue it…hopefully when I get the fucking table.

Sunday, 7 May 2006

I ordered a table from Target. That was probably my first mistake, right? My little order-confirmation email told me that my order was likely to ship on May 10th, and that I should expect it sometime between May 17th and May 19th.

Thursday, 11 May 2006

No shipping confirmation yet, instead, I got this email:

Thank you for shopping at Target.com.

We wanted to let you know that there is a delay with one or more items in the order you placed on May 07 2006 22:40 PDT. Please accept our apologies for this delay.

Order status can change quickly, and it is possible that your order may even ship between the time we send this message and the time that you read it. When items in your order are shipped, you will receive an e-mail confirming the date, contents, and method of your shipment.

Please note that if your order arrives too late, you should know that you may always refuse delivery or return it to us for a refund. For instructions on returning an item, please visit our Returns Center.

Please also note that it is not possible to cancel this order at this time.

For more information, please visit the following Order Update page in My Account:

[there was a link here, but you don’t need it]

If clicking the above link doesn’t work, you can copy and paste the link into your browser’s address window, or retype it there.

You can also access this Order Update page by clicking the My Account button in the upper-right corner of any page at Target.com. Once there, you can make changes to unshipped orders, cancel unshipped items, track shipped packages, modify your account settings, and do much more.

We apologize for any inconvenience caused by this delay.

Please note: This e-mail was sent from a notification-only address that cannot accept incoming e-mail. Please do not reply to this message.
If you have further questions, please visit our online Help department.

Thank you for being a valued Guest. We hope you visit us again.

Sincerely,

Guest Services Department
Target.com

I was curious, so I contacted them using their little form.

Is there any way I can find out when my order might ship, and why it’s been delayed?

They weren’t really all that helpful.

Greetings from Target.com.

The [product] you ordered isn’t currently available. We’ve ordered this item from another supplier and hope to deliver it to you between May 17 – May 24, 2006. I’m sorry for any inconvenience this has caused.

You can view the status of your order online by clicking the “My Account” link at the top of our Web site.

Thanks for your patience. I hope you’ll visit us again soon.

How Did We Do?
Please let us know if this e-mail resolved your question:

If yes, click here: [there should be a link here.]
If not, click here: [there should be a link here, too.]

Please note: this e-mail was sent from an address that cannot accept incoming e-mail.

To contact us about an unrelated issue, please visit the Help section of our Web site.

Best regards,

Phillip S.

So…I prodded some more.

I was told that the delay was because of the item being out of stock, which I suppose was helpful enough, but I kinda need a little more information now.

Since there’s been a delay, is there any way of knowing when the item might ship, or am I just stuck with a block of time for a delivery estimate? It’s a large, pricey item, and I know I need to be here to take delivery of it. Knowing when it might ship would be a little more helpful than the delivery estimates.

Also, will I actually get a tracking number? I’m not even sure I was told how the item would be shipping.

In case you’re curious, the item is a table and chairs set. It weighs about eighty pounds [probably a little more], and cost me around $250.00, after tax and shipping. This may not seem pricey to you, but we all have different standards. My ‘pricey’ starts at around the cost of a videogame….

They, of course, sent more greetings from Target.com in response to my ‘comments’, the next day.

Friday, 12 May 2006

Greetings from Target.com.

I apologize for any inconvenience the delay of this item may have caused. Unfortunately at this time we do not have an exact date as to when the set will be shipping but we are doing our best to have it sent as soon as possible.

Until your items leave our fulfillment center we do not have information as to who the shipper will be. This is selected based on the size of the item and shipping distance.

We’ll send you an e-mail message confirming the date, contents, and method of your shipment on the day it does leave our fulfillment center.

At that time you will be provided tracking information to follow the package to it’s destination. Normally the shippers provide an exact date they intend to attempt delivery shortly after they pick the package up. You will be able to use their tracking to try to get a better idea of the deliver date.

I apologize that I am unable to provide further information at this time. Hopefully the above suggestion will help you in determining when your package will arrive.

If you are unable to tell when the package will be arriving once you have tracking, send us an e-mail or contact us by phone. Our Target.com Guest Service department can be reached 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 1-800-591-3869 and one of our representatives will be happy to try to assist you with finding out the information that you need.

Thanks for contacting Target.com. We hope you’ll visit us again soon.

How Did We Do?
Please let us know if this e-mail resolved your question:

If yes, click here: [link edited out]
If not, click here: [link edited out]

Please note: this e-mail was sent from an address that cannot accept incoming e-mail.

To contact us about an unrelated issue, please visit the Help section of our Web site.

Best regards,

Gina S.

Target.com Guest Service

Phillip S. and Gina S., how cute.

But wait, there’s another email! It says my order has shipped!

Yay.

So, Target Ground Standard Shipping is supposed to take 3-7 business days, and the shipping window is from the 17th to the 24th. I figured, ‘I can deal with that.’

But wait…what’s this?

This shipment does not have an associated tracking or delivery confirmation number.

Damn.

Time for my next stupid-question-filled ‘comment’ to them.

Now that my order has shipped, I’m seeing that there’s no tracking. How will I know when it’s likely to show up, so I know when to be home?

Greetings from Target.com.

Your order was shipped by Target Standard Mail. Unfortunately, there’s no tracking number available for this service. However, we expect your package to be delivered to you by the end of the day May 24, 2006. We use the order date, distance of inventory to the delivery address and the shipping option you choose to estimate shipping and delivery dates for you. You can view the status of your order online by clicking the “My Account” link at the top of our Web site.

Thanks for shopping with us and we hope you’ll visit again soon.

How Did We Do?
Please let us know if this e-mail resolved your question:

If yes, click here:
If not, click here:

Please note: this e-mail was sent from an address that cannot accept
incoming e-mail.

To contact us about an unrelated issue, please visit the Help section of our Web site.

Best regards,

Heather A.

Target.com Guest Service

Thanks for being so incredibly helpful, Heather A. I guess I’ll just fuck with my sleep schedule so I’ll be awake every business day between the 17th and the 24th until I get the table….

Wednesday, 24 May 2006

I’m impatient. So I’m a really bad customer….

This no-tracking-number thing is quite infuriating, what with the not getting to know the whens or even the where’s. I’ve disrupted my regular schedule from the 17th to today, and I’m really wondering: How much longer am I going to have to wait?

Thursday, 25 May 2006

I’m really impatient. I haven’t heard back from Target since my most recent email, so I call just after 10am my time.

I speak to some guy who’s really very sorry, but he doesn’t really know what’s going on, and he’ll have to research the problem for a bit while I’m on hold.

So I’m on hold.

He comes back with no actual answer, but he offers to refund half the shipping. A whole fifteen bucks.

On the bright side, it was only about thirteen minutes, so I got almost a dollar a minute there.

Then I got this email:

Greetings from Target.com.

We need to research your inquiry further. We’ll e-mail you an answer in the next several business days. I apologize for this inconvenience and thank you for your patience.

Best regards,

Andrew

Target.com Guest Service

Friday, 26 May 2006

I get this email, apparently at about 5am.

Greetings from Target.com.

Eagle Freight, one of our specialty shippers for oversized parcels, shipped the item you ordered because UPS has restrictions on the size and weight of the items they ship. Although they don’t have a method for tracking your package online, they’ll make arrangements for the delivery of your order.

When your shipment arrives at the local delivery terminal, a representative from that facility may contact you by phone to arrange a convenient time for delivery.

Your order should be delivered in 5 to 7 business days from the date the order is shipped. If you need to contact the carrier about your shipment, call their toll-free number:

EAGLE: 1-800-888-4949

If you need further assistance with this delivery, please click the link below to e-mail us again.

Thanks for shopping with us and we hope you’ll visit again soon.

Please visit the following link to provide the information we requested:

[link]

Please note: this e-mail was sent from an address that cannot accept incoming e-mail. Please use the link above to send us your reply.

Best regards,

Andrew

Target.com Guest Service

…so, I call Eagle Freight.

Six minutes, twenty-two seconds later, I’m kinda pissed off.

Why?

Because the first thing Adam — the nice guy I talked to — asked me for was a tracking number.

He tried looking me up by name, zip code, mailing address…nothing. That tracking number would’ve really been helpful, except, well, Target didn’t give me one.

It’s angry email time:

I called, and spoke to someone named Adam after I told the person who answered that Target told me to call. The first thing I was asked was ‘Do you have the tracking number?’

Indeed, I do not, as I have been told by Target that there is no tracking number.

Adam tried looking for me under my namae, spelled two different ways, and by my address and zip code.

I am not in their system, apparently.

So, here I am, more than a week out, no table, and a shipping company that’s never heard of my table, either.

What is going on?

Someone named ‘Rohit’ replied.

Dear [name],

Greetings from Target.com.

Sometimes shipments can take a day or two longer than estimated, but most packages do reach their destinations as long as the shipping address is correct. The following is the address we have for this
shipment:

[name
address
phone number]

Is this address correct? If so, please wait until the end of the day May 31, 2006 for delivery. Unfortunately, there’s no tracking number available for this service.

If you haven’t received the package by the above date or if the address isn’t correct, please click the link at the bottom of this message to send us a reply verifying your shipping address.

I apologize for this inconvenience. Thanks for your patience. I hope you’ll visit us again soon.

Please visit the following link to provide the information we
requested:

[link]

Please note: this e-mail was sent from an address that cannot accept incoming e-mail. Please use the link above to send us your reply.

Best regards,

Rohit

Target.com Guest Service

The address, of course, is correct. So is the phone number. None of this is my fault — I’d already checked that about halfway through the ‘shipping week’.

But, hey, whatever you can do to blame it on the customer, right?

Saturday, 27 May 2006

Thank you for your recent order from Target.com.

We’re writing to confirm that we have processed your refund for $15.00 for the above-referenced order.

This amount should appear as a credit on your next credit card statement.

We hope this is a satisfactory resolution for you.

Thanks for shopping with us. We hope you’ll visit us again soon.

Target.com Guest Service

Well, at least something showed up, right?

Wednesday, 31 May 2006

Back to me being a bad customer. I got a fifteen dollar refund, so I should be happy, right?

Not me. I want to know where my fucking table is….

No table, it’s the 31st, my address has been correct ever since I ordered from you guys the last time.

Also, before, I was told to call the shipping company? They asked for a tracking number. Now, I understand fully that there may be no UPS type tracking number, but they seem to think that there is some sort of number that would help them track it through THEIR system.

Yeah, I’m still cranky about the tracking number thing, too.

Thursday, 1 June 2006

New month. Yay.

I get two emails…two of the exact same email.

Greetings from Target.com.

First, accept my apologies for the inconvenience that this matter has caused you.

Unfortunately, there is no tracking number listed for your order so I have to contact the fulfillment center it was shipped from and get the tracking number for your order.

Once I have this information, I will contact you again with the tracking number so we can find out why you have yet to receive this order.

Again, our apology for this inconvenience. We hope you’ll visit us again soon.

How Did We Do?
Please let us know if this e-mail resolved your question:

If yes, click here:
If not, click here:

Please note: this e-mail was sent from an address that cannot accept
incoming e-mail.

To contact us about an unrelated issue, please visit the Help section of our Web site.

Best regards,

Don S.

I think I’m learning something very important. Most of Target’s customer service employees are Name S.

Isn’t that nice? Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

So…what now? Well, calling got me money back, maybe this time calling will get me a table….

I call at 6:35 pm, and spend fifteen minutes on the phone with what sounds like a Texas chick. She’s very apologetic, and I spend a good part of that fifteen minutes on hold while she talks to her supervisor, and while her supervisor apparently talks to Eagle Freight.

This is what I learned:

Target has no fucking clue who has the table, because their computer doesn’t say who got the shipping job. It should’ve been Eagle Freight, but the computer doesn’t say.

Eagle Freight has never heard of me, my addres, or the table, or the concept of shipping a table to someone with my name at my address.

Texas chick is very, very sorry for how much of my life has been taken up by waiting for this table.

They assume that I still would like to have this table, but Texas is not allowed to ‘generate’ a ‘replacement’ for no extra cost on something that ‘large’. She has sent it up to the supervisor, who will ‘generate’ this ‘replacement’ sometime tonight.

Edit: I forgot to mention [I think] that one other thing said in with all the ‘sorrying’ was that they would try to get the table to me as quickly as possible, but, since it was ground-shipping-only, that wasn’t very fast.

I should get an email about it sometime tomorrow.

I really hope I don’t end up getting the wrong damned table.