…but, I hate going to the doctor. Actually, I just hate going most places, but that’s beside the point.

Today’s doctor-visit was a special one. It was the pokey-proddy girly parts doctor that I’ve done such a wonderful job of avoiding for the last three years….

I’m not fond of that sort of visit. The doctor I had was okay — she almost reminded me of my grandmother, except I don’t think I ever got a graphic demonstration of certain things from my grandmother, and I’m also pretty sure grandma never felt up my ovaries….

This is not the most pleasant experience. The entire thing was made slightly less unpleasant by the fact that the person performing the exam knew what she was doing. Also, there was a ‘small’ speculum available. That helped.

We got done with the horrible scraping of bits of cells from my cervix for a severe looking-at, or whatever, and discussed birth control.

I’ve been on Depo for…well, roughly three years now. I do not bleed. Some women probably think that this makes me utterly un-woman, and I’m pretty much cool with that. I’m cool with the not-bleeding. I’m not sure how cool I am with the depo leeching more calcium out of my system than is good for me…but there’s that three-month-thing…and, well, the not bleeding. Also, the not having of the kids.

I don’t like kids.

But the doctor doesn’t really want me on the Depo for as long as I’ve been on it, so we discuss alternatives. Obviously, the ripping out of the entire works is not an option, and I’m not sure I’d be interested in the early menopause anyway.

Also not an option: The IUD. They like you to have had a kid to get that, for some reason. That’s okay — I don’t think I’m a big fan of the IUD. I’ve heard Bad Things.

Not that I haven’t heard Bad Things about The Pill, which is one of my more obvious options. Unfortunately, I’m horrible and forgetful and would never, ever remember to take it at the exact same second every day. There aren’t enough alarms in the world….

Also, they don’t offer The Patch, because of Particularly Nasty SideEffects. So that’s out.

What they do offer is The Ring, which is a rather yicky sounding option, but it’s nearly as convenient as The Shot, with the added benefit of ME BEING ABLE TO DO IT MYSELF, instead of having to rely on someone being ‘trained’ and ‘available’ at the damned clinic to give me the fucking shot.

Unfortunately, The Ring is a little hard to get through this particular pharmacy. There has to be a ‘case made’ or something, in order for me to get it. I guess that’s sorta like how sometimes they’ll communicate with insurance companies to get them to offer coverage on something, except this isn’t really an insurance company — it’s the VA Healthcare System, with the mail-out pharmacy that I’ve grown rather fond of….

So, I’m hoping I can get this thing. I need to find out before the 21st, since that’s when I’m due for my next NoReproductionForYou shot.

That was all nice and too-much-personal-informationey, wasn’t it?

I’m still listening to Left Behind. I’m on The Remnant now, and they’ve changed readers again. And by again, I mean they’ve changed readers for the last two books, too. In the previous book, the guy couldn’t pronounce certain characters’ names to save his life. The guy whose name is ‘Zion’ does not actually have the name ‘Dztsjion’, or however the fuck you spell what he was actually saying….

The newest reader pronounces Carpathia as Car-PATH-ia, and everyone sounds fabulous, if you know what I mean.

I did think of a way for them to make another assload or two of money, though. Since they have no shame over changing up readers at random, perhaps they could have the entire series special-edition-audiobook-read by famous televangelists. I’m sure the great washed-in-the-blood-of-the-lamb masses would just love to hear their favourite series read by their favourite famous televangelist.

And you wouldn’t have to settle on just one. You could have them all do their own readings! You could buy the Creflo Dollar set, or the Benny Hinn set, or even the Pat Robertson set!

I will be pissed if they suddenly decide to do this…especially if I don’t see any of the money I so obviously deserve for coming up with the idea….

After this book, I think there’s only two more. It could be worse — it could be the Left Behind Kids Series. That’s, what, 5,771 books and still going?

I think I’m going to eat my leftover value burger from Wendy’s, and stare at the ceiling while I listen to this thing some more, now….