You too, John Irving, but since I don’t remember ever reading anything you’ve written, you get a pass on this one. As if anyone’s actually reading this, anyway….

What am I talking about? For some reason, it’s all over the news that these two authors have made some sort of plea to Rowling for her to not kill Harry Potter in her final book of the series.

I’m sorry if the media’s misrepresenting this in some way, but…a writer should know better, y’know?

I know the article only has King referring to the whole Holmes-survived-mess, and that he’s confident that Rowling will be fair, but…let’s really be fair here. Nobody but the author really has a say in what’s going on here. It’s her song; let her sing it.

I’m just having a really hard time wrapping my head around this. Silly little fans petitioning for the un-killing of Dumbledore I can almost take, because, hey, they’re stupid fans, right?

But…Stephen King? Must I remind you of your own nasty habits, here? Nevermind the dog that got kicked to death, how ’bout Wolf, huh?

Okay, maybe you can blame that on the coauthor.

Eduard Delacroix. That one, you can’t get out of. Hell, that whole Green Mile thing was pretty much just a good example of endearing a character and then ripping the heart out of your readers.

And you’re a hell of a person to talk about character resurrection, too. Sure, you didn’t botch it Lost World style or anything, but it’s all over the place in The Dark Tower.

Also, it’s not like the ending is going to be a huge surprise, or did we all forget about the prophecy from the book where whatsisname…some other important character died. The part about how, assuming it’s been interpreted correctly, one of them has to die? Granted, it doesn’t say that one of them has to survive, but somehow I just don’t think that the last book is going to end with something like this:

Harry gasped, “DEAD.” Then he died.

And Voldemort said, “LOL DEAD!” Then, he lived evilly ever after just like the Emperor in Star Wars totally didn’t, killing off the good wizards, and then all the rest of the people in the world, until he died of terminal boredom.

~*The End*~

Yeah. Not likely. Neither is the one where everyone hugs eachother and there are puppies and bunnies and kittens floating in the air with little rainbows going between them, and they’re all giving flowers to eachother, and the pandas and stuff….

You can’t please everyone. Not even a little bit.

I guess all I should really say is plead all you like, but don’t look like a hypocrite doing it.

And don’t e-petition. Please?