This whole mailbox based game rental concept is just wonderfully snazzy and shit. You get a game, and when you’ve discovered that you’re sick of it twelve hours later, you just put it out in the mailbox and raise your little plastic flag.

So, we didn’t keep the first game very long. Why? Because it was Rampage: Total Destruction. It’s mildly entertaining, but only for a few rounds.

Ever played Destroy All Monsters Melee or Godzilla Saves the World, or whatever that PS2 Godzilla fightey game was…? Rampage was kinda like that, except with strange, cartoonier monsters.

I’ve been told that it used to be some sort of ‘arcade’ thing, whatever an ‘arcade’ is — something about big, wooden boxes with screens, and you have to put quarters in. And other people can come in and play other games, or watch you, and there’s no saves, and no memory cards. How silly is that?

Anyway, it probably retains some of that ‘arcadeness’ in the strange Man Who Yells About Your Bonuses. He’s just Ever So Important — you can tell, because he has Important Voice.

There’s also the ever so important BIG FLASHY WORDS WHENEVER SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS, and stuff like that.

The high point of the game? Well, I didn’t think it could get any better than the strange Deep Oneish character that you can start out with [there are four or five there and ready to play when you start the game], but no. No, it got better than that. When we unlocked two different squidlike mutant-things that could be played? That was pretty much it. A few rounds of Cthulhiesque destruction wrought by a squid that climbs buildings, picks up cars, and spins around in the air a lot making helicopters blow up, and that was pretty much it. Nothing’s going to get better than that.

So it was kinda lame. So what? It’s not like I bought it or anything. It’s a rental…and hey, I’m still in my ten day free trial.