I had a bit of a talk with someone recently, about some things that are probably not meant to be shared, but…it’s bugging me. And blogging…it’s like cutting, but different.
I’ll vague it up, or something.
There’s this freshly sixteen-year-old female person out there that just had a baby. Pretty vague, huh? It’s her second — the first one didn’t turn into a baby, or something. Possibly because of the fact that she was in the area of fourteen when that happened.
I don’t know if they had the same father. The one that was born, she’s married to the father, because that’s what you do when you’re fifteen and pregnant, right? You get married to the twenty-one year old that got you pregnant. Possibly because he told you to.
Here comes the part that’s bugging the undead shit out of me. Not the sixteen year old married to the twenty-one year old, having a baby while she’s still in school thing, not even the part where they may or may not know eachother because he drinks with her father…this happens every day in the good ol’ US of A — it’s a generic story you can find anywhere on a daytime talkshow. The part where they’re living with his parents isn’t even that terrible.
Well, maybe a little….
It’s the…control. See, he’s already decided when she’ll have the next baby [possibly within a year], and that, when she comes home from the hospital, she’s to go back to school, and get a job, and do the housework, and take care of the baby.
She has to ask permission to go to bed.
Maybe I’m missing something here. Maybe she’s discovered the submissive lifestyle and decided it was for her. If so, that’s great, but…I have my doubts. It’s these doubts that’ve been gnawing on my brain like angry puppies, trying to get me to write this.
I’m sorry if I’ve broken a confidence of some sort — I just had to say something. I couldn’t deny the puppies.
And I don’t think she’s a sub. I think she’s in a bad place that’s going to get worse.
There. I said something. Saying stuff doesn’t do any good at all.
Wow. Okay, first of all, no this isn’t a ‘submissive lifestyle’, this isn’t a lifestyle at all. You can’t have a lifestyle if you have no life of your own.
Second, I’d be extremely concerned for her safety. As a mother and wife who is going to school and holding on to a job (if just barely) and raising kids, I’m telling you, doing all that with high school (which allows no flexibility in the schedule), no real education, and an infant at home is just plain not going to work. No one is this cool, not even those for whom sleep is optional. He’s setting up minimum performance standards that are way, way the fuck beyond any human operational capacity. It would be like asking a little Roomba vaccuum to be a full-time maid. It can’t do that. The problem comes in right about when he figures out he didn’t marry Wonder Woman. What do you think the reaction will be from a control freak like this? Not Fucking Good.
But, and this is a huge BUT: You can’t help people who aren’t willing to help themselves. You can’t change people who don’t want to change. This is a horrid situation, and it could well get her killed, but if she doesn’t want out of it, there’s shit you can do. Humans suck like that.
The ‘submissive lifestyle’ thing was mostly there to acknowledge that I’m aware that certain things aren’t always a sign of a bad relationship. It was the almost satirical light-side of things, or something. Yeah, it’s pretty much all badness and more badness in this situation.
I expect that, if there isn’t already, there will be much hitting in this happy home. There probably already is, with the parents [and how long will it be ’till ‘take care of my mom and dad’?], but…it’ll be there.
And I know I can’t help her. I couldn’t even if she were all about getting the hell gone. I have no contact with her. At this point, I’m rather glad I don’t. The last thing I need ever is to get personally involved in anything-at-all involving a guy who embraced Simon Says a little too tightly.