I probably didn’t actually, but who really cares?

In this post, I mentioned that this thing was mostly down [either because the original posters were weak or blogger took it down]. I feel the need to correct that statement. There’s a third option — the person running the site is so stupid that they accidentally deleted a large number of their posts.

I know. Probably not. Because the posts are back now. That was my mistake — the site is no longer ‘mostly gone’. I suppose this means they were expecting the stuff to disappear and kept backups of everything.

I found this out shortly after discovering that my little e-drama post had actually been linked to by someone else. Scary. If I’d known anyone was going to find that and read it, I’d have put some more thought into it….

Anyway….

After reading the post that linked to me on Puddlejumper’s Bipolar World and following some of the other links in the article, I decided to check and see if Heaven Nose was really all gone.

Nope. Still there. With all the posts about trainwrecks back and everything. Also, a new one, which…well, here. You don’t want to have to go there where everything opens in a new window to read something, do you?

Mission Accomplished

Two months ago, we had never heard of attention sluts like Sweetney, Dooce, Amalah or fucking Zero what’s his name. Dear Lord, sometimes we wish we could regain that blissful ignorance.

Wow. I think I’ve read a better worded version of this opening line somewhere else. Several somewheres elses, in fact….

We actually liked Trainwrecks better than any one of you. They were right about one thing: the majority of bloggers are trainwrecks.

You liked it. Better than any other reader. So you…what, tried to create the bastard lovechild of trainwrecks, and get it taken down? Okay.

I’d love to see this ‘majority’ thing, I really would. If the majority of bloggers were trainwrecks, I doubt they’d have bothered leaving it up to their commenters to submit trainwrecks. All they’d have to do is hit that wonderful ‘next blog’ button, and they’d get more material. Only someone lazier than I am would leave it up to someone else in a world where material is that easy to find, especially when all they really had to do in this world was hit the next button, hit the Press It button WordPress gives you, MAYBE come up with a witty post title and some text for the post’s body and hit post. That’s all. Nobody’d have to go near those messageboard threads they posted [which are not blogs, books, baby marmosets or anything else].

Of course, it’s not that easy. The majority of bloggers aren’t trainwrecks. Taking out the ad bots, you’ve got a pile of horribly inane shit with absolutely no entertaining e-drama value. I’ve never personally sampled the blogging ‘community’ to be sure, but I suspect that all the blogs with decent trainwrecks would probably be a lot like the tip of the old food pyramid. Occasional. Far less frequent than the leaves-your-eyes-bleeding type sites you can find by typing a random member number into the myspace URL.

Too bad Myspace doesn’t have a ‘next random myspace’ button….

Yet these are the women who made fun of infertiles, of women who gave birth to dead and premature babies, of people with psychological disorders, etc. Where are all of you victim whiners now? Still scared? Cowards.

I’m not understanding the ‘yet’ part of this sentence. And who are the victim whiners? The people who were trainwrecked?

We were never contacted by google or an attorney for we have violated no laws.

New thought, new paragraph!

Also, ‘were never’ doesn’t actually mean ‘won’t be’. Not that you’re worth the effort. And google? Probably wouldn’t contact you. They’d just act, because, again, you’re not worth it. It’s kinda what they do. They don’t bother contacting someone when they remove a listing from their searches. Sometimes, they don’t even contact you when they shut down your adsense.

The ip addresses that were published in the comment section of our blog were not put there by us.

I heard that the information was once published in a post. Of course, that post is gone now, and you could probably edit it at any time….

Also, it doesn’t take an e-genious to figure out that someone can comment under another name. Not that this matters anymore, since all your comments are gone….

However, the information is definitely correct.

I’m sure the people contacted through this information were as surprised to hear about their website as the twenty-two year old who found out about his ten year old daughter….

FYI: We never contacted these women or their employers at home or at work.

And if you did, saying you didn’t gets you out of it, doesn’t it?

We never crossed the line into their “real lives” in any way but apparently, some of you did. As far as what exactly went on between Heaven Nose and Trainwrecks: none of you know jack shit and none of you ever will.

Well, no. Not when you have the power to rewrite the story whenever you want. That’s the great thing about super-sekrit drama — you can rewrite it whenever you want.

I think that just about nothing actually happened. Nothing truly important, anyway. You probably found trainwrecks.net at some point, thought that it was a wicked-cool and spifftacular idea, and, hey, you’re wicked-cool and spifftacular, so you could probably do it, too. So you got yourself a blog, and oh, weren’t you just ever-so-funny. So much funnier than they were! They’ll love you, won’t they?

But they didn’t. Ooh. E-panties all in a bunch. So you spam, and you spam, and you spam. And you photoshop, because that’s what those other really-funny-and-mean websites do. And you get attention. And that’s really all you wanted, wasn’t it?

What are you going to do now that it’s over?

All you bloggers out there, we don’t care about your meandering, blatantly uninteresting online diaries, your stupid popular expression of the month, your pseudo-individualism in your mass conformist world.

Waah! So there! *sniff*

Heaven Nose doesn’t give a flying fuck about your clique held views, your pathetic, daily goss sharing sessions, your little ass mongering, (dis)approving opinions that, for the sake of all of us but especially for Heaven Nose, should really, and I mean really, be kept within the limits of those snarky, pinky-sized minds you got going on there.

You first.

And in case you missed the news flash: neither do we give a syphillis whore’s cunt about popularity. If you think we do, after all we’ve done, than your blogging ass is even more short-sighted than we thought. The point of this blog was to take Trainwrecks down and the purpose of generating traffic to our site was to serve this cause. A site exclusively about Trainwrecks would’ve been taken down by google faster than we could say “motherfuckin’ Trainwreck cunts”. Hence, the general blog reviewing concept.

So you don’t care about popularity, but you needed popularity because you made a blog to take down another blog. But you don’t care about popularity.

Also, you would’ve been taken down because you tried to name a blog ‘motherfuckin’ and ‘cunts’. I doubt they would’ve really cared that you called it ‘trainwreckssucks’ or something. But then you wouldn’t have been their heart-sister-site, would you? Oh no.

So the question remains: Why? It’s simple. We got rid of Trainwrecks just because we could. Not bad for two clowns whose mother tongue isn’t English, eh? Let’s see you take down a blog in Italian or Greek.

First, let’s see you actually take down a blog. Harassing people not involved with the site doesn’t count.

Let us express ourselves carefully. We know that Trainwrecks were liked by many. But the truth of the matter is that they never meant shit to us.

So, ‘we actually liked trainwrecks better than any one of you’ but ‘they never meant shit to us’. Good job! Welcome to the Idiot Archive.

Indeed, motherfuck those pied pipers and their army of lurking sewer rats. If it wasn’t for those rodent impersonators last night on our blog, we would’ve already forgotten about the glorified tea party called Trainwrecks. Their constant moaning elevated them to an exalted status far beyond their actual talent. Give us our own inane chatter any fucking day of the week.

I doubt it. Trainwrecks was your life. You wouldn’t have done all this if you were satisfied with…whatever it is you think you’d be doing otherwise.

What goes around, comes around, kid. Mission accomplished. We’re done here.

So, this means what? That your site will be taken down, too? Good. You’re clogging my intertubes.

The Schnoz and Goldilocks -love 4ever!!!!!!!111111

In the original post, “The Schnoz and Goldilocks” was a link to ViolentAcres, and the “-love 4ever” part was a lovely pile of skittles vomit. Consider yourself spared from having to see that.

I have to wonder what sort of attention-getting ploy that link was meant to be, though. Is Heaven Nose trying to claim responsibility for VA, or is this an announcement of the next target?

Before I go off and check the Leafycaust thread [and probably read more of Puddlejumper’s blog], I should probably clarify something else. When I said that being mean online required that you not be pussies, I was not referring to the trainwrecks people. They weren’t anywhere near as mean as people made them out to be, but they weren’t exactly weak, either. Their ‘taking down the site’ move was more an act of apathy than any sort of fear or weakness. While I wouldn’t do this myself, I don’t disagree with the move. I just wish they weren’t forced into a position where they had to be the better human beings.

Also, I’m a little pissed that I have to actually do my own work if I run out of drama.