You can’t really watch TV without seeing an ad about how women really want chocolate, or a PJ giftset in a hatbox, or a teddygram, or some talking stuffed animal from the Hallmark store.

I can tell you one thing for sure — I don’t want any of those things. I want a VD for VD. I just can’t decide if I want The Pox, or HIV. [Note: yes, I know that HIV isn’t actually in that category. I don’t actually care, though. It’s so cute.]

I think everyone should get something like that on February 14th. Actually, anything from that page would make a great gift for any occasion. Give someone the flu, or the common cold. Maybe some TB, mono or mad cow, or the flesh eating bacteria.

Don’t want to give diseases? Give a red bloodcell. Or a white one. They’re also cute. Girls love cute plush things! That’s gotta be what that teddygram thing is based on. And I’m sure these are cheaper and WAY more original than a teddygram.

And if she doesn’t love it, well, now you’re single and you’ve got a cute plush giant microbe. Hit the mall with it — it’s bound to get you a worthwhile date.