Contigo Autoseal Water Bottle

“My new fridge will have a working water and ice dispenser. Water is cheaper than soda, and I need to try and save money. I NEED A WATER BOTTLE.”

This is the thought process that led to the purchase of the Contigo Autoseal Water Bottle [possibly the ‘Madison’ type, but I’m not entirely sure].

There was more to the process, of course. I had to come up with reasons for not just using a cup [Zombi; I can take the water with me if it’s in a bottle], and then I had to come up with requirements.

Spillproof, no annoying straw, not metal, and can be operated with only one hand.

All of these conditions were met by the Contigo.

So, after the fridge was delivered, I ordered one. Two, actually, because Gremlin decided he wanted one.

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And here’s mine, which sees much more use than Gremlin’s.

After almost a month of using it, I happened to find the same bottle at a Starbucks inside a Barnes & Noble. It was teal, and I could not talk myself out of buying another one.

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So now I have three.

Both of these pictures demonstrate that they don’t leak. Mine’s full, and on its side. It’s not leaking at all.

It is sweating, but it’s not an insulated bottle, so that’s probably expected or something.

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This, obviously, is the lid. An essential part of any water bottle, because, without a lid, it would just be a cup that’s very annoying to drink out of, due to all that pointless threading around the opening.

That funny little oval is where the water comes out. But only when you want water to come out.

Well, mostly. It doesn’t actually leak, but you do occasionally get a minuscule amount of spillage [two drops or so] after taking a drink. I’m not sure if it’s a design flaw or user error–maybe both, because I’ve managed to reduce the number of ‘drippy’ events by not releasing the opening button until after I’ve removed the bottle from the ‘drinking position’ and returned it to the ‘upright position’, which allows the last little bit to drain back into the bottle instead of ‘goddamnit everywhere else’.

If you tilt your head sideways, you’ll see it takes on a sort of face-like look, with a big smile. The two eyes are air holes that somehow do not leak–possibly opened by the same mechanism that opens the drinky-hole. This allows for free flow of water, so you can just…keep drinking.

It appears to be a very well-designed mechanism, although some reviews complain quite a bit about how it does not remain open, so it can’t be thoroughly washed in the dishwasher. I do not plan on washing mine in the dishwasher. I also do not plan on putting anything but water in it, so I think any mold issues [some other reviews have complained about that] will be reduced by the lack of added sugar to feed shit.

If you do get something like this, or anything with a straw, I recommend hitting, say, Bed Bath & Beyond and getting this amazing invention called a ‘straw brush’. It’s tiny, and fits nicely into the hole. It’s also super-long, so you can actually scrub all the way through a straw–not something I have to deal with, but it’d be useful if you had a straw-based bottle.

I do not, because a straw attaches to the lid, and would probably become all unattached, or not go in at all, what with all the ice.

Ice is important. My fridge makes it, but I had no idea what it’d be shaped like, so I needed a bottle with an opening big enough for ice.

It turned out to be not quite big enough for such things, and I’m not entirely sure that any water bottle currently being manufactured is big enough to accept door-dispensed ice, because the ice dispenser on a fridge is hilariously simple, and, while not quite as excited about things as a restaurant soda machine’s ice dispenser, it’s still a bit…erratic. Almost rapid-cycling manic depressive. One minute, it’s like ‘oh, I dunno, I just…I can’t’, and the next you’re getting ALL the ice. Everywhere. And there’s no pattern to it.

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And, sometimes, this happens. Siamese Twin Cubes [not that they’re really cubes. They’re fairly rounded on the bottom, but flat and rectangular on top. I’m not sure what sort of shape that would be, but it’s not a cube].

Initially, I solved the ‘ice into bottle’ problem by using a cup with a very wide mouth, and then carefully transferring it by hand. That got tedious fast, and I would end up dumping about half a cup of ice–usually into Zombi’s water dish.

She doesn’t much like that. The cracking sound startles her or something. But, hey, it keeps her water kinda cool. Kinda.

Anyway, I happened to have a bunch of cheap funnels, and a fresh utility knife that I knew would cut through much thicker plastic, so I kinda measured the funnel and cut it. I did a poor job of it, but it works. The opening at the bottom pretty much fits into the bottle, and the top of the funnel is wide enough that it catches the ice. It only jams up when the ‘refuse to separate completely’ cubes pop up. Which happens about once per fill.

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Back to the bottle, though. This is the inside of the lid [of my lovely teal bottle], where the mysterious mechanism does its magic. How does that happen?

I don’t know. I don’t want to take it apart to find out, but I do know what makes it happen.

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By pushing this button!

I was a bit concerned before ordering, because I hadn’t been able to find one in any stores, so I didn’t know whether or not I’d even be able to operate the thing. My hands are sometimes very weak, to the point of being unable to open a can of soda. But it’s a very easy button-press. More of a squeeze, actually.

And it’s a fairly well-designed thing, as far as ‘natural and logical to use’ concepts go. You pick the bottle up right there, at the lid, your hand resting under the loop, bring it up to your mouth, and just squeeze. Squeezing presses the button, and the cover of the drinky-hole opens up, and glorious refreshment pours into your mouth.

When you’ve had enough, you lower the bottle and relax your hand. Drinky-hole closes, and everything is sealed.

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That loop, by the way? Is a clip. This thing clips onto other things. I tend to clip it onto the strap of whatever bag I’m carrying, even if that bag happens to have a bottle carrier, because it’s much more convenient to have the bottle hanging at my hip than on my back. Much less reaching involved.

According to a few reviews, the clip is the major failure point. It will break. I will probably be very sad when that happens, even though I have a spare, because this is pretty awesome for a water bottle.

The bottle holds 24oz of fluid, according to the markings. It is not insulated, but that’s not really a big deal to me. It also comes in smaller ‘child’ sizes. You can find them on Amazon, and they might even be eligible for AmazonSmile. Just search ‘Contigo AutoSeal’. The adult versions vary in price from ten to twenty, depending on colour, and the child versions come in two packs for around twelve dollars. Not bad prices for water bottles, based on what I saw while looking for one.

Because of this bottle, I’m down to two bottles of soda a day. It has made drinking water convenient, even for someone as lazy as me.

Not exactly my worst purchase ever.

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