Chapter Nine: The Vampyre Strikes Back
 
The multiverse contains over ten octillion universes. It does not, however, contain extradimensional locations.
The Lost Kingdom is an extradimensional location. It exists outside of contemporary time and space.
The Mesphos is extradimensional. It exists outside the realm of contemporary logic.
Heaven is presumed to be an extradimensional location, inasmuch as heaven is presumed to exist.
Heaven is extradimensional, paratransitional, and semipolyexistent.
A big word like that may require a definition.
Relative to conditions, heaven exists in many different forms, including none at all.
If the multiverse were a computer, each universe within the multiverse would be a programme. Also if the multiverse were a computer, it would preemptively multitask. So if the multiverse were a computer, and the universes were programmes, then those programmes would all call on extradimensional library files.
The universes within the multiverse are interlinked by the extradimensional locations.
The Lost Kingdom is an extradimensional location which is called upon by most, if not all, of the universes.
The Mesphos is another such extradimensional location.
Heaven isn’t.
Heaven is a semipolyexistent extradimensional location. It is only called upon by a limited number of universes, and provides exclusive services to each of them.
Universe 97B, for example, doesn’t employ heaven. Any references to theological entities within 97B are mythical. In a very real sense, gods do not exist there.
Universe 97C calls upon the extradimensional location of heaven, and, in Universe 97C, heaven exists as a depot for a poly theistic deital governing body--specifically made up by Odin, Thor, Balder, and the rest of the nordic gang.
Universe 97D calls upon heaven. Heaven, for Universe 97D, is controlled by Yhvh the Deity, often misidentified by christians as ‘Lord’ and ‘God’--terms which are simply vocational descriptions and which, according to the endangered English Language, require no capitalisation as standalone terms.
Yhvh is also often mispronounced as ‘Jehovah’ or ‘Yaweh’. His name is actually pronounced ‘Yahveh’, though the Hebrew Language in which the name is written contains no vowels. So: Yhvh.
So also: the only way to take Yhvh’s name in vain is to use the name Yhvh in vain; using the pedestrian terms ‘god’ and ‘lord’, or the mispronunciations ‘jehovah’ and ‘yahweh’ don’t really count.
Along the subject, Yhvh’s only son was Yeshua. There again, the vocational status of ‘christ’ was merely that, and the mistranslation and mispronunciation of ‘Jesus’ is merely proof that a huge number of homosapiens living in Universe 97D are rather dumber than boiled carrots.
 
Yhvh sat in his throne, reading a novel, and ignoring everything going on about him.
Then Peter walked in.
‘Hey, Yhvh?’ Peter prompted.
‘Yeah, Pete; what’s up.’
‘Are you busy?’
‘A little. You read this?’ Yhvh brandished the book. It was a copy of Arthur C. Clarke’s 2010: Odyssey Two.
Peter swallowed. Hard. ‘Of course not. He’s an atheist.’
‘Is he? Wonderful.’
‘Huh?’
Yhvh looked levelly at Peter. ‘When was the last time I went to Earth.’
‘Um...about twenty centuries ago, wasn’t it?’
‘And why do you suppose that is.’
‘Um...no idea.’
‘Would you like to know?’
‘Okay.’
‘Because homosapiens are stupid, that’s why.’
‘I thought you liked them.’
‘No, not really. I gave them almost three million years to get their shit together before I even started talking to them. And what did that get me. “Oh lord we are not worthy; spare us from blah, blah, fucking blah” and brainless shit like that. And every fucking minute, day and night, at least ten thousand of the little bastards are down there screaming at me. “Please make it better; please end this war and that plague; please let my horse win”. Fuck them. If I had it all to do over again, I’d leave out one of two things: deinosaurs or cats. Put those two animals together, and pretty soon one’ll create a fucking virus to bug the other one. But you know what? The sapiens aren’t bugging the fucking cats; they’re bugging me. Middle management in the fucking foodchain with a buy-me-that complex; that’s all they are. So you know what? Here’s a better version of Pascal’s Fucking Wager: how bout I let the nice, quiet, unassuming atheists into heaven here, and banish all the whiny I-wanted-a-pony-for-christmas fuckers into hell. Lucifer wanted to be a fucking god, right? Let him see what a god really gets to contend with every fucking minute of the day.’
Peter blinked at Yhvh. ‘You’re in a mood. I’ll come back later.’
‘Quit being such a fucking YesMan, Pete. What is it.’
‘Um...funnily enough, it’s about the sapiens.’
‘Joy. Wha’d they do this time.’
‘It’s not really them, exactly. It’s XRay Quebec.’
Yhvh set the book aside. ‘Clue me.’
 
Michael pointed out a scar on his temple. ‘Lucifer. BC four thousandish.’
Yeshua nodded. ‘Uh-huh.’ He held up his arm, pointing to the hole in his wrist. ‘Romans. AD thirtyish.’
‘Not bad,’ Michael said, pointing to a scar on his upper arm, ‘I got this one from--’
‘Yeshua!’
‘Was that Dad?’ Yeshua asked.
‘I think so.’
‘Nuts. To be continued.’ Yeshua got up and walked into Yhvh’s throneroom. ‘Yeah?’
‘I hate to do this to ya, kid, but...something’s come up.’
‘Oh?’
‘There’s a problem on Earth in Universe Ninety-sevenD. XRay Quebec is going after the iguana.’
‘Ah shit.’
‘Would you mind?’
Yeshua glanced at the holes in his wrists reproachfully.
‘Hey,’ Yhvh defended, ‘We’ve been over that. I was away on business. I had no idea they were gonna kill you like that.’
‘How’d you think they were gonna kill me?’
‘I--I wasn’t expecting them to kill you at all. You were making friends down there; you seemed happy enough--’
‘I had eleven friends, Dad. And, like, a thousand enemies.’
‘I thought you had twelve friends.’
‘Yeah. So did I. Fucking Jude sold me out.’
‘Look, anyway: I’ll be here this time. Okay? No forsaking. Gimee a call if things get rough.’
Yeshua exhaled thoughtfully. ‘Okay. You just be here when I call this time.’
‘Hey: I swear to me.’
‘Yeah, yeah.’ Yeshua walked off out of the throneroom.
Yhvh called after him: ‘And try to make some friends this time!’
‘Hey, no problem,’ Yeshua called back, sarcastically, ‘I’ll be more popular than the Beatles.’

So there's that. One of the reasons no one knows what I look like =)

About the whole flaming issue on the board [I'll reply to it here, instead of in Host's post, since I really need to go soon] it's not that I can't ban people; I can, but it's a hassle. Also, I'd have to ban every user on the ISP at once, since most ISPs are dynamic. And I really don't wanna ban people anyway. Though if people don't start EMailing me about things instead of filling the board with brainless insults, I might have to.

What else...

I updated wastedinc.com again. The message board there doesn't work yet. It'll come online in September, if all goes according to current plans.

And that's about it, I think. More later...

--Gremlin